My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and she was petting her beer can
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
