Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
