Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize