I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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