Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
