Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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