i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
