i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am one with the molecules
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
