Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
