Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
