I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
