i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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