Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
