Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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