If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You are the jesus of drinking
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
