I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
