I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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