I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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