well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
