You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
