I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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