No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
