I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
