i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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