Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
