I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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