My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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