the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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