She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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