I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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