I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
