I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize