I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
