i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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