well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
