He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
