I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
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