Where is the hickey?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
