do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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