I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
