Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
