So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
