hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
