We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
