shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
