I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
