I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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