i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
