I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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