i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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