Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm like, not good at living.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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