I will die if light touches me.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
