thus making me awesome and them whores
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
