Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
