I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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