In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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