sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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