Already got asked if we're dating
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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