We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
