So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
