This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
