I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
