I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
