guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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