I accidentally had phone sex last night
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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