i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
