just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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