I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
